The video concept began

after I witnessed the advancement

in technology surrounding robot humans

i thought,

“if there are robots

emulating

the human experience,

what would it be like,

as a human, to emulate

the robot experience?”

I took this concept and lip-syched,

attempting to remove all human elements of my creature,

isolating my face muscles and dead-ening my eyes. 

Then this happened:

I was drooling!

A visual metaphor for the message of the song dribbled off my tongue:

Our own human will always

attempt to show itself,

regardless of outside

standards, ideas, or rules.

It is inevitable that we

become who we are.

It is inevitable we

feel what we feel.

No matter what we bury,

as long as we hold onto it,

it will always leak out.

A week after filming this, I received a message on instagram from Peter Borrud.

He wanted to know if I would be interested in collaborating on something.

We met for breakfast.

I shared this clip.

He then proceeded to take on the role of a producer and co-director, basing the lighting on set off my self-portraits.

I had invited Desiree Koras, Chloe McLennan, and Bianca Poletti to photograph behind the scenes.

I had requested we emulate the lighting as seen during my dad’s radiation treatment.

Below, you’ll see a photo of him on a Monday,

right before his first session.

Then on Wednesday he died.

Hi, Me (lyrics)

every day is further away

I've been stuck in my stomach

there's a blank wall that's calling my name

but the thrills keep coming

there's a bed that vibrates baseline

muses reading brainwaves

in my head I'm rising, floating, empty

settle on my sideways

how am I supposed to bury the energy

when you're with me?

how am I supposed to carry the two of me

when you're missing?

how am I supposed to run away from it

when I'm thinking,

always thinking:

how am I supposed to benefit from it?

I've been missing, I've been missing, I've been missing

there's a knock inside of my brain

says my mouth keeps humming

my mind swells to an invisible space

I better keep becoming

I gotta create, not imitate

sensing every word and every thought made

while we verbal-visual educate

pushing past the physical degenerate

how am I supposed to bury the energy

when you're with me?

how am I supposed to carry the two of me

when you're missing?

how am I supposed to run away from it

when I'm thinking, always thinking:

how am I supposed to benefit from it?

I've been missing, I've been missing, I've been missing

Hi, Me Music Video Credits

producer Peter Borrud

dp Peter Borrud

producer Elkin Antoniou

editor meredith adelaide

color Peter Borrud

location Tyler Madsen

assistant to peter Bobby Garabedian

hair and makeup Julie DiMartino

1st AC Scott Peragine

2nd AC Joseph Olvera

Gaffer Chris Haggerty

Key Grip Ben McCloskey

Grip Ricky Norris

BTS Biana Poletti

BTS Desiree Koras

BTS Chloe Mclennan

Camera REDEFINE Rentals

Lenses The Camera House

G&E Wooden Nickel